Judgement day

Eventually bad decisions catch up to you. In the moment it seems ok to order that scoop of ice cream. And then the next day to have another one, but this time to try the waffle cone cause you've never been to this place before and you need to try their waffle cone, especially since you drove all the way downtown to try their ice cream and you are already showing such restraint by not ordering the ice cream bouquet which would allow you to try 5 whole flavors in one cone.

Yeah, sure, maybe ordering the colorburst latte when you could have ordered a regular coffee was not the right choice. But it sure did look good on Instagram and your daughter thought it looked really cool.

I didn't exactly binge on fried food every day or eat a dozen donuts. I didn't even have a cupcake this week or use all of my bonus points. I ended with five whole points left over. This after having two glasses of wine and takeout Thai food for dinner on Sunday night.

But I still gained a pound. And I get it. Maybe I didn't make monumentally bad choices, but I did make incrementally bad ones. I certainly didn't make good ones.

I'd like to say because of this I decided to start the day right. To steer the ship back on course. But I was really hungry for lunch by 10:30am and I was right next to my favorite breakfast taco joint. So that was not a great way to get back on track, but I did it. Yep. I ate those tacos. Not my finest moment.

I ate the cake

I ate the cupcake - with its inch of strawberry frosting. I thought about only eating half, but then I thought - it's my birthday celebration too isn't it? I was the one who went through 36 hours of labor. I was the one who five years ago pushed for four hours to get that girl out into the world. For that, I deserve one whole strawberry cupcake to myself, even if that cupcake is 14 points.

And so I lost no weight this week. But the silver lining is I also didn't gain any. Seeing as I partook in cake twice this week - I will take that as a win.

slow and steady

All I want to eat is a giant bowl of ice cream. A sundae in a tall glass, the kind where you can see the hot fudge running down between all the layers and the whole thing is covered in nuts and whipped cream. I usually only order one if there are four of us eating it but this time I want the whole thing for myself. But I won't. Instead I gnaw on baby carrots because I lost another 2.5lbs this week.

It's hard to believe I lost any weight since I was still over my points and ate BBQ and key lime pie yesterday, but to my credit I did go over only half as much as I did last week so I guess that is an improvement.

They say that change is really not about big picture goals about about small habits every day. So that's what I am trying to do - stick to small habits and over time hope they add up to something. So far I have to say the theory works. But I still really want that sundae. 

New Journey....will try to make it farther this time around

It's been a while since I posted. I last claimed to be starting a yoga journey...but I must admit that fizzled almost before it even began. I mentally gave it a shot. I mean, I even packed my yoga mat in my suitcase when I went to NY. But reality set in pretty quickly. First off, when you are working 12 hour days and have a 2 hour commute on top of it it's hard to find time to do yoga. And then there is the fact that I have never been much of an exerciser.

I've always had an aversion to working out. Group sports, individual sports, physical activity hobbies...not really my thing. The only time I was really motivated to work out was back in college when I bought a bootleg copy of whatever exercise craze was all the rage and worked out obsessively - but mostly because I was in a new relationship and also motivated to make my ex realize what he was missing. You know, revenge fitness.

I have had some success when I change my diet. So I'm starting another journey. Weight Watchers. Signed up for the six months package. I'm paying for it whether I am committed or not, so might as well give it a shot. Will try to post once a week to keep myself honest.

Week 1: Maybe not the best week to start. I started on Monday, but had big plans for the end of the week - a 10-course anniversary meal at a restaurant known for its meats and a trip to Disneyland. I realized by Tuesday that the choices I was making, thinking that I could continue to follow my pregnancy gestational diabetes diet, were not going to work now that I wasn't eating for two. I blew through all by bonus points by Wednesday.

The problem with the numbers is they can have two effects. They can be super motivating or they can make you feel like it's impossible to win so why even try. By Thursday I was in the later camp. I ate my 10-courses with a side of gin and loved every bite. And then the next day I ate a foot long hotdog dipped in ketchup and covered in bacon bites with a side of fries and didn't even feel bad about it. By the end of the week I was negative 53 bonus points and couldn't have cared less. I chalked the week up to research - exploring what kind of points I would rack up on my usual diet. There is always next week, right?

Then the funny thing was - I lost 4lbs! It was definitely NOT because I made an effort. It made me realize that I had been eating even worse the two months I was in NY!

It's hard to diet and be in production. You have no control over when you get to sleep and eat. You have access to a snack table at all times and you sit around a lot. When I was pregnant and testing my blood every day I became acutely aware of how my blood sugar was effected just by not sleeping enough. I gained at least 6lbs in NY, so losing four is really just getting closer to a reset.