I shouldn't have to worry about this

I don't remember a moment growing up when I didn't feel safe. I grew up in a typical suburban neighborhood. There were actual white picket fences around some of the homes on my block. Kids ran through yards and no one was afraid to walk around at night alone. My dad is a cop. I'm sure that had something to do with it. I always knew he'd be there to protect us, but honestly I don't think I ever stopped to really think about that.

Then I moved to Los Angeles. Living in a city is a completely different beast. Safety is something I've thought a lot about since moving here. When I first got to LA, a guy was sneaking over the walls of homes in my neighborhood and beheading people. Sounds crazy right? He did it twice. He snuck into an old man's home and beheaded him while he was on the phone changing a flight reservation. He eventually wandered onto a lot carrying a samurai sword where he was held by security. My neighborhood is also where they eventually arrested an arsonist that was setting fires all around the Hollywood area. He would set car fires in car parks in the middle of the night. I moved out of my first apartment here because my neighbor was a meth head and I no longer felt safe living next to him. I moved into a building where apparently the FBI arrested one of my neighbors in the middle of the night for human trafficking.  Not that long ago someone tried to crow bar open the metal front door of the apartment I used to live in in broad daylight. And this is a building that I actually feel pretty safe in.

I always hold my purse tight, stay aware of my surroundings and don't pull my phone out in the subways. Even though safety is something I often think about, right now it's hitting closer than I would like.

There is a manhunt in LA for a former cop who is targeting cops and their families and there are cops' kids at my daughter's daycare. That is a very scary thing. There are cops sitting outside the school. Last week at one point there were cops in the classrooms. As a parent I had to make the decision - does she stay there or do I pull her out. On Thursday, when all this madness began, I was home sick from work. As soon as I heard I picked her up. Today was her first day back. It wasn't an easy decision to make. There is no direct target at the school. The cops watching over it are precautionary. It's hard to say whether it's better to have them there or not, seeing as they could be a target themselves.

I hate that we live in a country where this is actually something we have to think about. I hate that when I mention my situation on Facebook someone I know says they are dealing with the same thing. We should never have to worry about whether our children are safe from bad people with assault rifles. This may be a unique situation - since this person is a former police officer. But even he says he has guns normal citizens shouldn't have access to.

This is scary and it's real and it's hitting way too close to home. It's all a little bit too much to process.