Pre-K Wars: The Battle Begins

One of the things that stressed me out most when I was thinking about having kids was choosing a school. People say if you live in a competitive city like New York or Los Angeles you should be planning your kid's education while they are still in utero. I've watched Nursery University. I've seen the madness. People plan major life decisions around school choices and act like the facility where your three-month-olds take naps and poop will determine the entire course of their lives. So I stressed out about it. But like many things in life I stress about, I did nothing concrete to relieve this stress. 

When my daughter was about a month old I went into full blown panic mode. Clearly I had waited too long. I had to go back to work in two months - nowhere near enough time to figure this out. So I did what I do when I don't want to make a major decision on my own. I polled my pickiest, snobbiest, impossible to satisfy friends and asked where they were sending their kids. Then I visited one of them and wrote a deposit check. (This is also pretty much how I applied to colleges.)

Despite the fact that my friend's kid lasted only about two months into our tenure there, we've been there for two years and love it. I don't regret not doing extensive research, but maybe we just lucked out. I'm sure it's not the best, it's certainly not the worst. It works for us, my daughter is super happy there and we're happy too.

And now she's two. While she can stick it out at the current facility through Kindergareten, the pressure is mounting to find the next place. As I watch others around me navigate this world, I am beginning to feel the anxiety creeping up. I had lunch with a former coworker and thought we would chat about our lives, but ended up finding myself getting a full on lecture about the school application process. "It's not brain surgery - but do what you need to do!" she shouted. She even suggested several real estate options in good school districts. 

We've always had an idea of where we wanted to send our daughter. It's in a neighborhood we love and it offers the program we want and we have friends whose kids attend the sister school in the valley. In many ways it felt like an obvious choice so we've never really stopped to think about - what if she didn't get in. 

I think one of the main reasons I have stressed out about this entire thing is not because of my daughter's future but because of other parents. I am not the kind of parent who discusses different educational and parenting philosophies. I've never been one that excels at navigating these popularity contests either. I don't want to go to school functions at a school I don't attend and pretend I love it. Combining these things and having the stakes be your kid - it's almost too much. But you've got to do it right?

So we went on a tour. The second I stepped on campus I knew the games had begun. Some parents were chatting with each other loudly, so as to show their connection to current students. As we stood in a semi-circle around the admissions director the size up began. It wasn't even subtle. It was pointed out quickly that parents fall into three camps - those that show up early (1 pt), those that get there on time, and those that show up late (-1). I'm not sure where you fall when you bring your governess and your personal assistant to the tour, but there was one of those as well.

We were quizzed on why we wanted to be there and I was happy to see my husband easily fall into the role of prize student. He had those answers down and I silently cheered, maybe we were the front runners. We asked questions (which we were told was good), we understood the philosophy and the system of the school, we laughed at her jokes, and we signed up for the high school tour to show we are committed to seeing this through (2 brownie points for that). 

As we left, my husband turned to me and commented on how smooth it went. See - no problem. No, I pointed out - no problem so far because we did everything right. But I guess a lot can change in a year and a half. Hope we don't mess it up, I haven't explored the other options.